Update 3

Day 10. Overall I think the last couple of days have been a little easier but you know how hard it can be and I have still have my fair share of exhausting toilet sessions that have made me virtually pass out with tiredness as soon as I get back in to bed. Did I mention the hallucinations? Yes I have been hearing voices - for fun, two nights ago I decided to have a chat with myself and ended up having a conversation with a voice which I realised was my subconscious. It started off being angry at me for putting 'me' in this situation:

'I don't know what's going on, I'm trying everything but we're just not wired for this'.
'I know' I said, 'but this is what we want, I knew it wasn't going to be easy'
'I've got to figure this out but it hurts so much, I just can't concentrate, you need to calm down so I can work this out. That will help me'.
'Okay', I said 'I can do that...Am I going mad? I'm talking myself.'
'You just need to get some sleep. Try and relax, I will wake you up so up so you don't have an accident, I promise.'
'Thank you'.

I thought I'd been managing with the broken sleep quite well, I don't wake up feeling tired in the morning but I have waves of tiredness the bowl me over, flopped out like a Memphis bum.

I have been eating fairly regularly, mashed potato with salmon, risotto - which is new and wonderous discovery, porridge with rice milk and banana's. Nothing exciting. Avoiding sugar like the acid knife plague that it would visit on my sore bum hole. Its enough to experience this sensation once to neutralise any sweet tooth I had. Its not discipline its fear that prevents me from encountering that particular experience again. Ouch. I am interested to know if something like Agave syrup can be used as a substitute, will I dare risk it?

I think a rhythm is gradually revealing itself. I stop eating at about 8pm to see if I can get some less interrupted sleep at night. Monday night I seemed to go between 2.5 to 3 hours between waking up and had almost a 3 hour nap in the afternoon yesterday. Last night was exceptional but painful. My first sleep was 3 hours 50 minutes but I woke up in a lot of pain, my pouch at its maximum pressure, I had to run to the toilet. I next got 2 hours sleep followed by another dash at maximum pressure. I awoke again at 9.40am - which is the longest I have slept in, I must be really tired. That was a record breaking intermission of 4 hours 20! and hurt the most, some of what I passed was very watery blood - I think my pouch had a good stretching as today any regularity has gone out the window. Gaps between toilet visits have ranged between 30 minutes and 3 hours 50 after I had another nap whilst the girls went to see High School Musical 3, maybe I could have gone after all? Anyhow, after that long break I went another 3 times with 20 to 30 minute gaps. This left me very sore.

I realised that I have gone the longest period without opiate based pain killers (Oramorph, Codeine). This means my bowel is working at its natural ryhthm. I am committed to try and manage without chemicals to alter my natural processes. This is not out of bloodymindedness. My rationale is to eliminate as many chemicals in my system and give my body time to adjust and accommodate the new anatomy, perhaps evolve to its own mechanisms which slow down and keep me away from the toilet for a reasonable period. I know that the pouch will enlarge and the tissues will alter, my brain will recalibrate to the new set up and my muscles and skin will strengthen to cope with the additional loads. Its just a matter of time.

I work on my own and can handle some solitide, even though the children are on half term its a pretty lonely time. I am spending it watching DVDs (some for the 3rd time) reading blogs and writing. I keep intending to write about my difficult experience at hospital last week and may even make a complaint about some of the bad practice I was victim to but I keep finding excuses to revisit it in my mind - sleep is one of the best reasons :)

We had told a few of our friends about this last operation (I have been quite secretive about all this until now) and thought that my wife might get a little support this time around but no help has been forthcoming, perhaps they are waiting to be asked or feel uncomfortable or are reluctant because we waited so long to say anything or are simply to busy to offer. Whatever it is, she's completely exhausted and spent the last two evenings in tears. I don't have the strength yet to give her the physical support and the best I can muster is a hug. It must be very difficult for her to see me like this for the second time in a year.

It will be worth it in the end.