My first night home I was up every hour trying to stay calm in my tired stupor. Going to the toilet is like getting stuck in gear and losing clutch control - because i'm experiencing what feels like passing battery acid passing trough - its just a little difficult to relax! I fear if someone saw me in my bouts in the loo they would think that I am having a convulsion!
The muscles around my stoma were able to have some control or awareness of when waste was passing through. The area left seems still mentally connected to my bowel in that it clenches up when I release the catch and let the flood gates open. Its like a ghost sphincter that is causing me a little strife in the pain it generates in the healing incision. I need to 'de-train' it somehow.
Anyway, I thought the soreness whilst going would improve but either due to the diclofenac (which I have now excluded) or the very watered down lucozade (which I will destroy) made it feel worse than I could have possiby imagined. I keep telling myself this is going to be over soon. I ate at 8pm last night and managed to wake only every two hours, I hope to keep on the same curve of improvement. Tne burning sensation has gone away this morning - I had feared that my bum would become addicted to benzocaine, what a gift that cream is!
Thankfully the advice of prevention is still the one I am living to religiously. Wiping with baby wipes and dabbing with very soft toilet tissue. The Bicarb baths are a treat too. My skin has not broken just very sore. I drank some watered down aloe vera juice last night and that seems to have soothed my bum considerably.
I feel like i'm learning to walk again after all this time, each step is one step forward.
This is hard work.
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