Monday 11 May 2009

1 year later, I made it!


I'm 10 days shy of the anniversary of the first step of my j-pouch surgery. Its been a long and bumpy road but i'm pleased to report that i've finally started to feel like my old self. The strength in my voice has returned, I can spin my kids round in the garden, my diet is expanding ridiculously, I go to the toilet about 6-7 times per 24 hours. I don't take a thing to slow down my bowels and I bought a few pair of tight fitting (sorry no pics :)) jeans for the first time in 17 years! I sometimes get up in the night if I eat too late but often it just wake up at about 5am and just get on with my day earlier than everyone else (I find I get more work done in the couple of hours before the kids get up than the rest of the day!) I've not had any pain medication for several weeks. I still need an afternoon nap (and will use my surgery as an excuse for that for quite some time to come :p). I can do just as many sit-ups and push-ups etc as I could do this time last year and I have started to think creatively for the first time since the kick-in the guts that surgery is.

As a family we are starting to realise the subtle changes to our character that the bag gave. The washing machine is not on all day. I am confident to wear bright clothing (which does no end of good in lifting my spirit). There is nothing to hide, no embarrassing noises (that no-one heard anyway), no kneeling at the toilet. Oh, and I've finally started driving lessons...I used to have accidents when ever I sat up in a car. I'm planning a sky dive as a reward to myself - which I will send a photo of to my surgeon by way of thanks. I intend to enjoy every moment being without a bag, because I bloody earned it.

Physical intimacy with my wife is different and better but that's all i'm going to say about that.

I did consider getting my 10" scar revised but I have decided to keep it. I found the scar from my first op 17 years ago more troubling than the stoma. I realise now that it was because it had come about through a trauma that was inflicted not out of choice but necessity. This new scar was completely my decision and is a mark of my courage and strength to overcome my biggest fears and worries, a battle scar from a fight that I chose. Its part of me. My stoma scar on the other hand kind of makes my abdomen look like its got a double chin so I may get that sorted out...no rush though.

I went swimming in speedo's last week. For me it was a BIG deal. Swimming was always hard to enjoy (though I persisted), getting in and out of the pool, wearing bulky swimming shorts unusually high above my waist line to conceal the bag, communal showers and changing rooms. For the first time I experienced the lack of drag that swim shorts gave me and swam a length in my fastest time ever. I may enter the 2012 Olympics yet (not joking).

I've not experienced pouchitis at all and I don't take any pro-biotics either. Whether its just a matter of time I don't know but I feel its possible that because I don't slow my bowels down the bugs don't have time to grow. In addition I use an enema bottle almost daily, don't touch red meat or dairy and drink lots of water.

I have trouble with tuna (sounds like a good title for a book!) and don't dare go near orange juice (although i've gargled it like a wine taster a couple of times). I only experience butt burn if I forget to slap on the vaseline before going several times. These things are all familiar habits now and seem like no trouble at all.

I feel a bit like a butterfly that spent the winter cocooned in bed and painkillers watching DVD's. With all my new clothes and the glow of health and fitness returning just in time for the summer.

I plan to repay all the love and dedication my wife and children have given me this last year. With no regular income and an uncertain future its been physically and emotionally taxing for everyone. We are thinking about going travelling for several months and taking a break from the hum-drum. Maybe I will see some of you on the next step of our journey.

Thanks for reading me.

Love,

Dan

ps. I do intend to write about my hospital experiences soon so come back in a couple of weeks to see what crap care I had to deal with when I was with the professionals!