Notes After Take-Down

I found some scribbled writings in a notebook today that I've no recollection of making. I reckon must have made them the day after my surgery, I must have been saturated with Morphine at the time.

Mixed amongst the heavy drowsiness and pain relief I can definitely taste the thrill and elation. I have achieved my goal and the view from here is awesome. I did it. I can do anything. I put my mind to it, persisted, paid the price and I am now there, reconnected.

The wait from 7 am to 2:30pm with no food or drink was nothing compared to the 16 years this joke started on. This time around I was less frightened and even more serene. There was another 2 hours waiting in the surgical pre-op room but it was required time to be alone and get in sync with nature. I gazed beyond the window whilst everyone else faced inwards to their fate. I looked out towards the gentle swaying trees and let their mystical rhythm enhance and soothe my anxiety. I stayed confident, standing in my own shoes and eyes clear with glasses [everyone else accepts the rule – wearing clogs and handing over any personal belongings]. They – the nurses – reluctantly shaped around me, the objects represented a microcosm of control that I retained until the last moment, the point at which I handed over my unconscious body to be worked on.

Approaching from my right side and mildly reflecting in the window, my surgeon said – as if we were in mid-conversation continuing on from our last interface “Are you gaining any special insight from out there?”
“Well” I said, “I realise that those trees are another part of myself, they breath for me and I, them”...
“How are you getting on?”
“Good thank you, I am prepared in my mind and i am trying to tell my body what is going to happen to it is not shocked too much”
“Very good. You are definitely the most well prepared patient I have ever had and I am confident that is why you recovered so well from the last operation”, “We'll probably use staples as its quicker – I'll put a finger up your bottom to ensure the join we made last time has no narrowing and if so we might not go ahead.”
“I aware of that”, and then I said “have you had a busy morning?”
“The last chap was very hard work, a bit of a mess but we got through it...I won't be long now.” Then he patted me on the shoulder and an electrical current fired off somewhere inside and my confidence quadrupled “I will see you shortly”.